Chayacitra

Being Thanksgiving, I figure that most of us probably played the “What am I thankful for?” game today, so I want to do something a little different here tonight.

Instead of listing the things that I’m thankful for, I’d like to talk about the difference between what I have, what I want, and what I need. And let me start by saying that most of the “What I’m thankful for” lists are typically dominated by what people have and want, rather than what they need. (This post is going to get a little preachy- I apologize in advance for that).

What I have:

Put simply, way too much stuff. From all the camera gear to the car, the books, guitars, backpacking and camping gear, and all the assorted collectibles, knick-knacks, trinkets, and souvenirs I’ve accumulated over the years, I’ve got far more than I could ever use, and really entirely more than I deserve.

I’ve got so much stuff I hardly even have room for it all, and compared to most of humanity (that vast majority of us who live on less than $2 a day), I’ve ever got too much space to fill- not that Americans, Westerners, or so-called citizens of “industrialized” nations would agree with that statement.

And do I need all this stuff? Absolutely not. Why do I own so many t-shirts, so many pairs of pants, so many camera lenses, and three guitars (of which I only regularly play one)? Why do I own so many books, when I can obviously only read a single piece of literature at a time? Why have I collected so many things over the years, when all that they do is sit around gathering dust and taking up shelf space (and making me think that I need even larger digs just to hold it all!)?

Like most of us, (and this time by “us” I mean those of us living in consumerist societies- not the $2 a day types), I’ve fallen victim to that all-too-common burning desire to acquire possessions- so heavily promoted by marketing and advertising agencies, pop culture, and society at large. Even though I detest the idea of it, I’ve certainly done my own “keeping up with the Jones’s”. And my debit card statements can certainly attest to that.

Yet most surprising of all (to me at least) is that each purchase I make seems to be “the last and final piece of the puzzle”- that last piece of backpacking gear, last camera lens, last pair of pants, or last book which I so desperately “need”. That last item, which after acquiring, I’ll never have to purchase anything again. Each and every time I buy something, I tell myself- “This is it! Now my collection is complete!”

And yet, it never is.

What I want:

Fortunately, the things I want tend to be immaterial, and unrelated to worldly possessions or societal status. I’m not sure why, but some mix of genes and environment has led me to focus more on existential conditions (like “freedom”) than the types of things that most people seem to desire.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a big time possession guy, (a quick browsing of my backpacking and camera gear lists proves that), but my material desires stop far short of where I think most people’s continue to run. I don’t want the gigantic house, the fancy car, the immaculate wardrobe, high-powered job, or social status that everyone else seems to crave.

Unfortunately, one of the things that I do want (especially in moments of weakness or insecurity) is a beautiful, intelligent, kind, and loving woman to share my life with. And I don’t mean to be stereotypical, pessimistic, or sexist (even though I know that’s what I’m doing here), but most of the females I’ve met tend to want exactly those things that I’ve outlined above (in addition to the one other thing that I really want to avoid: kids).

Perhaps it’s because I’m only 26 and just don’t have enough life experience under my belt, perhaps I’ve just run with entirely the wrong crowd (the college educated tend to be far more desirous of these types of things), or perhaps it’s just that I’ve always lived in Southern California and have absolutely no idea what actual human beings are really like, but the vast majority of people that I’ve met (and females in particular) seem to crave mostly material possessions and those things typically associated with society’s standards of what it means to be “successful” (a respected career, home ownership, a nuclear family, etc.).

Now, while most people are unlikely to admit that their hopes and dreams lie in a acquiring the newest Mercedez Benz, or the gigantic house overlooking the ocean, isn’t that how most of them actually behave? Isn’t that why most people sit in offices every day, slaving away the best years of their lives, and the vast majority of their waking hours? Again, it could just be a Southern California thing, but it seems to me like this is pretty much universal human behavior, based on what I’ve seen throughout the United States, Mexico, Thailand, and China.

And when people talk about “being happy”, I will be first to admit that they tend to say they want to remain healthy into old age, raise a fully functional, emotionally stable, tightly-knit family, and live out a modest life of leisure- eating good food, owning nice things, and basically pursuing their interests, passions, and hobbies- but is that how those very same people act?

Which brings me to the real point of this post.

The other night I came across a Tweet by Sabrina (happinessfresno), which I’d like to share with all of you:

“But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a person and the life they lead?~Albert Camus”

I immediately thought of the incredibly simple, yet beautifully elegant concept that Psychologists refer to as “Cognitive Dissonance“, which I can honestly say is single-handedly responsible for having the largest impact on my life out of everything that I’ve ever been exposed to.

What I need:

What I need is to find that “simple harmony” in my life which Albert Camus refers to in the above quote. What I need is to be able to put aside the complicated and intricate self-image which I’ve been constructing for these last 26 years- the desires, the attachments, and the clinging to self importance and personal history.

What I need is to live a life of total and complete freedom, unattached to any person, place, posession, or concept.

And what I hope is that somehow the rest of humanity wakes up one morning with the full realization that this is both entirely possible, and in fact, absolutely necessary if we’re to make any progress as a species and a civilization.

And that’s why I continue to write posts to this Blog, and share my inner thoughts with all of you- no matter how scary that might be.

=== JKrishnamurti.org Daily Quote ===

How can one be free of the images that one has? First of all, I must find out how these images come into being, what is the mechanism that creates them.

You can see that at the moment of actual relationship, that is, when you are talking, when there are arguments, when there are insults and brutality, if you are not completely attentive at that moment, then the mechanism of building an image starts.

That is, when the mind is not completely attentive at the moment of action, then the mechanism of building images is set in motion. When you say something to me which I do not like—or which I like—if at that moment I am not completely attentive, then the mechanism starts.

If I am attentive, aware, then there is no building of images.

The Awakening of Intelligence, p 337

=== Thoughts ===

To put it very simply:

We begin building images when we interpret our surroundings, in terms of our previous experience.

To dig a little deeper:

Image building occurs at the point of our encounter with something that we do not pay complete and total attention to. We build an image about something when we perceive it with divided attention. Be it another person, idea, or even natural scenery, if we do anything more than to take it in with our eyes, ears, noses, mouths, hands, etc., then we begin to build an image.

If we are incapable of perceiving it without evaluating it, without comparing it, and without measuring it, then we begin to build an image. And when we build an image about it, we are evaluating our perception of it, rather than perceiving or experiencing the thing itself. Typically, our evaluation takes place in terms of like or dislike, attraction or repulsion, intrigue or disgust, or comparison to some similar thing which we’ve already encountered (and created an image about).

For most of us, everything we meet is treated in this way. For most of us, we evaluate everything we meet because we do not meet anything with complete attention. When we encounter something, we are busy thinking about something else, and an occupied (or divided) mind is obviously quite incapable of perceiving wholly, totally, or with complete attention.

Our distracted mind becomes incapable of simply watching the situation in front of our eyes, listening to the sounds being delivered to our ears, or tasting the food we’re eating, because we’re busy thinking about completely different things. And even worse, most of us are so used to behaving in this way- to classifying, categorizing, and evaluating everything that we come into contact with- that we have become literally incapable of experiencing anything new!

Everything we meet is therefore evaluated, translated, and judged in terms of what we’ve already experienced. Everything we meet is compared to the most similar thing that we’ve previously encountered. Therefore, everything we meet is conceptualized in terms of it’s relationship to that incredibly complicated mental structure- that complex image- which we have already formed about our world, about ourselves, and about reality.

Thus, whatever we encounter is judged in terms of that hierarchy, according to our preconceived mental structures, and placed in it’s proper spot. It is classified, conceptualized, and categorized within that intricate structure that we carry around with us at all times, and use to meet each new experience. And most of us feel that we must perform this behavior (whether consciously or subconsciously) if we are to understand the things we meet. But in reality, our reduction of things to images negates the possibility for understanding anything at all!

And, lacking that understanding of the things that we meet, we miss out on the real beauty of the flower, the tree, or the light on the water. Instead we evaluate it’s beauty in terms of our ideas (our images) about “beauty”, about what it means to “beautiful”. And as they say- “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”- but that is only the case while the beholder remains attached to his image of beauty.

Let’s use an example to illustrate this idea; one that Krishnamurti himself has discussed before.

When we walk past the rose, we’re likely to say to ourselves something like: There is the “rose”. I have been expecting it, and now it has come. It is absolutely beautiful, more beautiful than any other “rose” I’ve ever seen. [Or, alternatively, It is not as beautiful as the rose I saw yesterday, It is hideous, or even It is pretty, but not that pretty.]

It does not matter whether this particular rose is the best or the worst “rose” that we have ever encountered. The point is that as long as we remain attached to measuring it in terms of it’s relative beauty compared to other “roses” (to our image about what it means to be a rose), we are incapable of perceiving this instance of the rose as it actually exists. We perceive it as the “rose”, rather than the rose because we are chained to our image of the “rose” as it should exist.

Instead of perceiving this rose as completely new (which it is), since it is quite obviously entirely different from all the “roses” which we’ve previously encountered, we classify it, we measure it, we judge it, we interpret it, and we evaluate it. We create an image about it- the image of the “rose”.

And thus, we never experience the rose. We only meet our image of the “rose”.

Butterfly

Pentax K10D, with Vivitar 105mm f/2.5

Shot at Whiting Ranch, in Orange County, CA

Today I finally got around to devoting some attention to one of my favorite activities, which I’ve been neglecting for entirely too long; playing my guitar. I had watched The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” on YouTube and as I marveled at John Entwistle’s prowess, and noticed the look of sheer delight on his face as he struck out the chords, I was at once filled with remorse for my failure to continue keeping up a regular playing schedule. I’ve had an on-again-off-again relationship with my guitars for nearly five years now. I’ll pick them up and play every day for a few months, then completely forget about them, only to start the cycle over again somewhere down the line. It’s made progress in the discipline quite difficult!

I’m not sure what took me so long to even realize that I’d been neglecting to keep up my guitar work, which holds a special place in my heart- considering that it was the first artistic hobby that I ever put any real effort into- but let’s just say that I’m glad I’ve got it going again. While I love all the traveling, writing, photography, camping, backpacking, and other exciting things I’ve been doing lately, I really do miss blasting out those old songs, and singing away with my favorite bands. There’s something about it, something so calming, connecting, and restorative, about producing that much sound. For me, it’s invigorating like almost nothing else.

So for the first time in months, and what felt like years, I finally removed my Martin MMV from it’s golden-buckled coffin and strung it over my shoulder. I marveled at it’s appearance, remembering that it symbolizes my return to the life of a responsible, tax-paying citizen. It was the first major purchase I made after returning from my travels through Asia, which at the time seemed to cement my assessment that the “working life was worth it”, since it allowed me to purchase such wonderful things like this guitar, without even caring about the extreme expense (it was well over $1,000).

I stared at the shimmer of the MMV’s surface, catching the gleam of the light off its golden machine heads, then glanced over the pearly white bridge and pins restraining the well-worn out steel strings, already in dire need of replacement when I put it away months ago, but I couldn’t help myself; I had to play.

Ifinally again felt that familiar sting of the strings on my once-calloused finger tips as I struggled to work them over the ebony fretboard, in my feeble attempt to punch out the right shapes and sounds. My degenerate left wrist, tormented by a long-standing affair with tendonitis, nearly gave way under the strain. But I didn’t care about the pain, I was finally making music again!

As I corrected my posture, spreading my shoulders like the wings of a bird emerging after a long rain, I felt the familiar tug of the denim strap on my left side, and smiled in remembrance of the endless hours of attention and emotion I’ve poured into this instrument; seemingly capable of absorbing limitless amounts of negativity and dissolving it, completely. I’ve always felt like playing guitar was emotionally therapeutic. Somehow that act of creation, of filling the void with melodic progressions of beautiful sounds, causes all my imagined burdens to fall swiftly aside.

Without any conscious decision to do so, I started belting out that first batch of songs I learned to play, way back in college; those rusty relics I learned in what seems like at least a lifetime ago. Perhaps those days were more exciting, but they were also far less fulfilling, back before I’d found my place in the world, and before I understood my connection to the universe.

Back then I hadn’t yet even made any real attempt to connect to my creative side- I was simply a passive observer. I took in a lot of content, but produced absolutely none of my own! But in that first song I learned,  The Grateful Dead may have managed to get through to me and wake me from my slumber, subconsciously pushing me to continue exploring new avenues of self-expression. “Come see, Uncle John’s band… Got some things to talk about, here beside the rising tide.” The tide is certainly rising, and I’ve always had quite a bit to talk about, but I’d always been missing the necessary courage to stand up and do so. But not anymore (as you can see!).

And as I drilled deeper into my still-limited playlist (I only know about 10-15 songs), I was filled with joy, exuberance, and even a bit of pride at the thought that I was finally performing again- in reality just for myself, but in my mind for the universe at large. It didn’t matter to me that I was the only one home, that the cat had run out of the room as soon as I started singing, or that nobody was clapping at the end of each song- I’ve never done anything for the recognition anyway.

What mattered was that my mind went blank, the “self” and all of it’s attachment dissolved as the music took over, and I filled my empty house with the sounds of a lone, but far from lonely heart.

And in that hour of total peace, I remembered what it means to be a human being, and why it’s entirely worth all the trouble.

=== JKrishnamurti.org Daily Quote ===

Attention is this hearing and this seeing, and this attention has no limitation, no resistance, so it is limitless. To attend implies this vast energy: it is not pinned down to a point. In this attention there is no repetitive movement; it is not mechanical. There is no question of how to maintain this attention, and when one has learnt the art of seeing and hearing, this attention can focus itself on a page, a word.

In this there is no resistance which is the activity of concentration. Inattention cannot be refined into attention. To be aware of inattention is the ending of it: not that it becomes attentive. The ending has no continuity. The past modifying itself is the future—a continuity of what has been—and we find security in continuity, not in ending.

So attention has no quality of continuity. Anything that continues is mechanical. The becoming is mechanical and implies time. Attention has no quality of time. All this is a tremendously complicated issue. One must gently, deeply go into it.

Letters to the Schools vol II, p 31

=== Thoughts ===

Well, he’s certainly right about one thing- this is a tremendously complicated issue, and like usual, it’s fundamentally important that we all have a deep and total understanding of what’s being discussed here. Even I had to read this quote a couple times before I really knew what Krishnamurti was talking about, and I study his works religiously. So let’s do something a little different this time, and take things to a personal level. I’ll try to illustrate the ideas expressed above with an example from my daily life.

On Friday morning I got up and started getting ready for work, like I normally do, except that I did things a little differently. (As the Thai’s are so fond of saying “same, same, but different”.  I spent the first few minutes of my day in silent observation, and watched my mind emerge from it’s nightly slumber. As I observed the usual activity of thoughts starting to slowly roll out of the void, gaining momentum with each new idea, and each increasing level of attachment to those ideas, I did something different from usual, and simply refused to identify with them. Instead of getting carried away by what I was thinking, instead of attaching myself to those thoughts and becoming absorbed by them like usual, I simply watched them unfold, and disappear back into the void, observing myself from a somewhat detached state.

You see, over the past year, since I really began watching myself in earnest, since I’ve become fully aware of my daily behavior, I’ve become increasingly convinced that the best way to stop attachment is to cut it off at the source, at the very first moment of consciousness, right after waking up. I’ve found this to be by far the best way to keep my mind from spiraling rapidly out of control; because that’s what thought causes it to do! Thought divides me from the environment, sucking my attention inward as if it were trapped in a vortex, focusing it on my internal mental constructs, ideas, and beliefs.

As Krishnamurti explains above, and as I’ve experienced it in daily living, thought reduces attention to concentration. While attention implies total awareness of myself and my surroundings, including the relationship connecting the two, concentration is a focused or limited awareness of some particular individual aspect of one or the other, in which the relationship between the two is completely lost. Concentration implies a divided, limited, and entirely subjective state of consciousness. Concentration itself is a mental state in which reality cannot possibly be experienced for what it actually is, because it represents an abstraction, a simplification, or evaluation of that which is real.

When I wake up each morning, my mind immediately launches off from that initial starting point of the first thought, which is to say the first division between “self” and “other”, and rockets me toward an infinite web of other remembrances, fears, desires, and insecurities. The more attached I become to these thoughts, the more momentum they build up, and the further refined my concentration or focus becomes, to the detriment of my ability to pay attention to everything happening both around, and inside of me. And without that consciousness of attention, I have noticed in practice that I have absolutely no chance of understanding anything, or operating with intelligence (as Krishnamurti would put it).

As I woke up Friday morning though, I watched the rotors of my mind spin up and begin to roll out that familiar line of thoughts, but instead of getting lost in them like usual, instead of attaching my consciousness to them, and instead of becoming completely absorbed by them, I merely observed them. Like Krishnamurti says above, I was aware of the thoughts as inattention, and as such, they dissolved on their own, returning to the void from whence they came. Instead of focusing on my thoughts, I refused to focus on anything whatsoever. I simply observed my surroundings, and watched the process of my mind emerging from deep sleep. Instead of turning my attention inward, I refused to turn it in any direction whatsoever.

With a completely unfocused attention, I was able to participate in my morning ritual in a completely different way. Instead of focusing on my thoughts, I listened to the water coming out of the shower head, and felt it running down my body. I felt the soft cloth of the towel, and watched the response of my hair to the brush. And throughout the entire process of getting ready, I felt the beating of my heart, the breathing of my lungs, and the other movements of my body.

And amazingly, that usually highly repetitive daily process of getting ready for work took on an entirely new light! All of my movements and actions seemed new, fresh, and entirely full of life. And while thoughts occasionally cropped up, they inevitably slipped off back into the void as I refused to limit my attention by focusing on them.

As I walked to my car, I continued to observe my surroundings, looking at the fresh morning light, smelling the dew on the grass, and listening to the sounds of the birds chirping. When I caught sight of a Red-Tailed Hawk sitting up on top of one of the trees, I stopped and watched it for a few minutes, even though I felt like I should be hurrying off to work. And while I watched the Hawk, I became fully and deeply aware of the amazing color of the morning sky, the gentle breeze tickling my hair, and the cool, crisp morning air on my exposed skin. I felt completely alive, and fully present in the moment as it unfolded, undistracted, and undivided by concetration.

It was a beautiful morning to be sure, but even more so because I was actually experiencing it for what it is, instead of interpreting it according to my own ideas (like most of us usually do), or in a half-assed way, by dividing my attention by placing some of it’s focus on my internal dialogue. Without that distraction of the internal thought-stream, and without my attention limited by focused concentration, I was able to look, see, smell, taste, feel, and touch the world around me in a way that seemed entirely different; more complete, or real.

As I opened the door to the car I listened to the noise of the hinges, and felt the metal of the handle. I looked at the car, not as that all-too familiar possession that is “my car”, but as an incredibly complicated and intricate device; as a real work of art, and creative ingenuity. And as I started the engine, I listened to it’s sounds, felt it’s vibrations, and waited patiently for it to heat up. I watched the windshield defrost, following the many little streams of water, like so many rivers, running down the sides of the windows. I never felt like I was in a hurry. I never felt rushed. I just watched and listened to everything happening around me, watching the events unfold from a state of unfixed and unfocused attention. No one thing, including myself, was more important than any other. There was no evaluation, interpretation, or valuation of any of the actions happening around me, there was only observation.

And when I started my drive to work, I didn’t turn on the radio or even put on any music. And I didn’t feel bored at all, on the contrary! Instead, I listened with rapt attention to the acceleration of the car, and devoutly watched the scenery pass by. I sat patiently at a red light, waiting for my turn to join that slow crawling morning commute, and watched with fascination as a thick blanket of fog slowly rose over the freeway. And when I merged into the line of cars snaking their way up the 405, I didn’t race over to the fast lane like I usually do, but stayed to the right, without experiencing the typical feeling that I was losing in some kind of a race.

I felt no need to rush, no need to hurry, and none whatsoever to compete with everyone around me. Because I wasn’t comparing myself to them. Because I was living in a space where the “I” takes no more precedence than anything else! Measure never even came into the picture, even though that’s what I’d usually do. This morning, things seemed different. I was experiencing everything as entirely new. That typical feeling of disgust and revulsion toward the morning commute, that most monotonous and obnoxious of all of my daily routines, never even entered into my mind. At peace with my surroundings, I simply observed the world around me. Even though I was on my way to work, it felt as if I had nowhere to be, and absolutely nothing to do. Simply enjoyed my surroundings.

I felt no revulsion, no anger, no disappointment, and no frustration. I didn’t mind sitting at red lights, crawling up the freeway at low speed, or even arriving at my cubicle  for another nine hour stretch of monotonous work-life. I didn’t feel trapped, confined, or even disgusted by the rat race, as I normally do. Instead, I took my time. I enjoyed my morning. I explored the world around me, and my reactions to it, without becoming attached to them, without identifying with them. The process of getting to work didn’t feel at all like the usual race to the cubicle, but like an ambling saunter through the world of man. And all of this because I was experiencing the world from a place of attention, rather than concentration.

Imagine the possibilities for your own life!

And, to get a little preachy, while I’d be the first to call the world of men entirely corrupt, disgusting, and morally bankrupt, I’m also aware that this is the world each one of us has helped to create (myself included, of course). Each one of us sustains this world with our daily behavior, and our repetitive thoughts and actions. And while I’d also be first to say that this world should, and needs to change, I’d also be first to admit that this won’t happen until each and every one of us changes first. And by us, I mean you and me. We must change. And we must change now.

But we need not meditate (in the usual sense of that word), we need not prostrate (as we’ve been told), we need not perform recitation of mantra (as the Guru says), nor accumulation of karma (as some Buddhists proclaim).

We must simply refuse to continue dividing ourselves from our surroundings. We must refuse to make divisions. We must cut off that habitual attachment to and obsession with our thoughts.

As Krishanmurti often explains, “the first step is the last”. That first glimpse of reality is all that it takes. Once you get that glimpse the entire system of accumulation and identification is finished!

The rest of your life becomes the act of living, rather than a response to being alive. And let me tell you, this requires both a fundamental and radical adjustment. And it is a thing which must be experienced to be fully understood.

And none of your so-called “spiritual” activity has anything to do with it! At no point in this lifetime, no matter how hard you try, will you ascend to some alternate reality, living in a land that sparkles like diamonds, where everyone is happy, and everything is beautiful.

But, if you refuse to focus you attention, if you refuse to limit it with concentration, you can find a space for yourself in this world which will fill you will joy, excitement, energy, and love. You can find freedom in this world. And you can make it a better place in the process. And the simple beauty, and the point of all this, is that all you have to do is try.

=== JKrishnamurti.org Daily Quote ===

Attention involves seeing and hearing. We hear not only with our ears but also we are sensitive to the tones, the voice, to the implication of words, to hear without interference, to capture instantly the depth of a sound.

Sound plays an extraordinary part in our lives: the sound of thunder, a flute playing in the distance, the unheard sound of the universe; the sound of silence, the sound of one’s own heart beating; the sound of a bird and the noise of a man walking on the pavement; the waterfall. The universe is filled with sound.

This sound has its own silence; all living things are involved in this sound of silence. To be attentive is to hear this silence and move with it.

Letters to the Schools vol II, p 30

=== Thoughts ===

Do you ever really listen to the sounds of the world? Or do you only interpret them? Do you just scan them for meaning, merely skimming along on the surface of those noises, searching for something interesting enough to trap your attention for a few fleeting moments, before moving along to the next thing?

When you speak with people, do you listen to what they have to say? Or are you simply waiting until it becomes your turn to speak again? Have you ever listened not to what they’re saying, but to how it’s being said? Are you even aware that there’s a difference?

The noise of the world is all around you, at each and every moment, but have you even noticed? Most people haven’t.

Most people are far too busy following their own internal sounds- that incessant internal dialogue that each of us creates- comprised of thoughts, desires, and plans, that they’re simply too distracted to pay any attention to the world around them.

Have you ever really listened?

The Sanctuary

Pentax K10D, with Vivitar 105mm f/2.5 at 1:1

I’d never noticed before that the growth shoot of of this little plant, only about an inch in diameter, was a sanctuary for a wide variety of different species of insects.

1:1 Macro photography is so amazing because it allows us a near microscopic look at the world around us, allowing us a glimpse of the tiny worlds that inhabit our own gigantic space.

There’s no other Photographic genre that I find even nearly as fascinating. And I love this Image.

=== JKrishnamurti.org Daily Quote ===

Just be aware; that is all you have to do, without condemning, without forcing, without trying to change what you are aware of. Then you will see that it is like a tide that is coming in. You cannot prevent the tide from coming in; build a wall, or do what you will, it will come with tremendous energy.

In the same way, if you are aware choicelessly, the whole field of consciousness begins to unfold. And as it unfolds, you have to follow; and the following becomes extraordinarily difficult—following in the sense to follow the movement of every thought, of every feeling, of every secret desire.

It becomes difficult the moment you resist, the moment you say, “That is ugly”, “This is good”, “That is bad”, “This I will keep”, “That I will not keep.”

The Collected Works vol XV, p 85

=== Thoughts ===

The explanation of choiceless awareness is not a procedural set of instructions for achieving a desired effect. It is not a set a guidelines for reaching Enlightenment, nor any sort of instructional system that we can use to find inner peace. Rather, this definition is a description of a behavior, or more clearly, an act.

But action is not something done according to a plan, or an idea. Acts are  not a series of preconceived movements, carried out by a mind attempting to achieve some end, whatever that might be. Real action can take place only after we have put aside our attachment to plans, objectives, and the self. Real action is performed only when there is an honest relationship between ourselves and our environment, allowing us to respond appropriately to our surrounding environmental cues.

Everyone has performed real action before, though most of us probably didn’t recognize the difference. Think of a time when you were so caught up in the moment that your mess of ideas, conclusions, beliefs, and personal history was put aside completely; when you did something without thinking to yourself “I should do this”, or “I should not do that”. Think of a time when, simply put, your behavior was not directed by your subjective self.

Perhaps during a sporting event, a concert, a business presentation, or even a sexual encounter, you’ve managed to do this. Or perhaps you never have…

But for those of you who’ve acted in the past, do you remember how it seemed like you were able to move through the motions with a skillful, yet subtle manner, without having to plan your next set of movements? Do you remember how things seemed to unfold naturally, without a plan, an orchestration, or any other self-controlled behavior? Do you remember how there was no difference between the controller (you), and the controlled (your movements and behavior)?

In those moments, with your complete attention focused on the environmental stimuli and your responses to it, you effectively put an end to the self and instead focused your total energy on the situation at hand. In those moments your preconceptions, your prejudices, and subjective beliefs were effectively negated, which allowed you to act with total attention.

Did you feel caught up in the moment? Swept up by the excitement of the situation and your surroundings? Did you feel a connectedness to the world around you, or even perhaps that you were doing just the right thing, at just the right time?

If you can manage to watch yourself choicelessly, at each and every moment of the day, without identification, condemnation, or justification, you will find yourself fully capable of entering a different kind or relationship with the world around you.

You’ll witness the dissolution of the previously all-important “self”, experience some form of ego-death, out of which will flower pure understanding.

And it is only when you completely understand that subtle relationship between yourself and your environment that you can perform a complete an of attention necessary for creating that space out of which intelligence itself emerges.

And in that space, when looking at the universe with an intelligent mind, everything you see, hear, touch, taste, smell, and feel will make perfect sense. You will feel as if your search has finally reached it’s objective, like you’ve uncovered some existential truth.

Remaining in that state of choiceless awareness you will witness the unfolding of a new form of consciousness- total understanding- which rushes in on you like a fast approaching wave, sweeping aside all your attachments and illusions with an unmatched ferocity.

And in this state everything you experience will take on a new light. You will encounter that which you have been seeking for all these years and you will understand what it means to live in total Freedom.

You can do it, if you’d only try.