Can’t I Observe Instantly?

=== JKrishnamurti.org – Daily Quote ===

Suppose I am attached to something or somebody. Can’t I observe the consequences of attachment, what is involved in attachment, how that attachment arose? Can’t I observe the whole nature of it instantly?

I am attached because I am lonely, I want comfort, I want to depend on somebody because I can’t stand by myself, I need companionship, I need somebody to tell me, “You are doing very well, old boy.” I need somebody to hold my hand; I am depressed and anxious.

So I depend on somebody, and out of that dependence arises attachment, and from that attachment arise fear, jealousy, anxiety. Can’t I observe the whole nature of it instantly?

Of course I can if I am aware, if I am deeply interested to find out.

This Light in Oneself, p 59

=== Thoughts ===

The most important, most relevant, and most salient knowledge I’ve extracted from my involved study of Krishnamurti’s extensive body of work is also perhaps his simplest admonition: “Be a light unto yourself.”

When I look at the world, I see quite clearly that it is in a state of chaos, confusion, and disorder. I see suffering, misery, greed, envy, fear, and a variety of evil activity. And I ask myself, what has created this state of disorder, if not people like me? Who’s responsible for this madness, if not people like me?

And when I look at myself, inspecting my so-called internal “identity”, with all of those conclusions, divisions, and images that I’ve constructed, I see the very same chaos, confusion, and disorder that exists throughout the so-called external world.

And I ask myself, what has created this state of disorder, if not me? Who’s responsible for this madness, if not myself?

When I’m willing to accept reality, both the reality of myself, and the reality of the world, without distorting it, without interpreting it, without judging it, and without living in a self-deluded fantasy-land of denial like most people, I have to admit that the disorder both in the world and in myself are the product of the very same problem.

They’re the product of a deep seated fear, of a profound and seemingly inescapable need to feel secure, of that all-too-human craving to feel some sense of permanence and some sense of constancy in a world made up of constant change.

Our subconscious minds are fully aware that we exist only in relation to our surroundings, to other things, and to other people, as impermanent beings, completely dependent on our environment, but we’re terrified to accept that fact and the resultant implication that we have no control whatsoever over ourselves, our situation, or our lives.

This simple fact makes us miserable, it terrifies us, and it generates an incredible amount of cognitive dissonance, especially since we’ve been conditioned to believe that things which have no permanence also have no value.

However, in my opinion, anything that did have any permanence would also be essentially worthless. Thankfully, our universe,  and by implication, everything in it, exists in a ‘permanent’  state of flux. Everything around us, including ourselves, is in constant motion, in constant evolution, and constant renewal. And because we live in a universe undergoing eternal change, which is essentially impermanent, our behavior, our thoughts, and our lives do matter (at least in a relative way).

The fact that I won’t exist forever, that I am certainly going to die, and that each and every moment of my life is fleeting and can never be repeated once it’s passed is the only thing that provides my life any meaning at all!

If I were a permanent being, surrounded by permanent objects, buried in permanent relationships, then nothing would matter, because I could take it all for granted! Everything that I did would be essentially meaningless. Everything I saw would be essentially a bore. Everything I thought would be essentially pointless and my life would be completely devoid of any value whatsoever.

And yet, I can see that my mind still clings to this idea of a permanent self. It clings to the idea of stability and of personal security. But when I’m quiet, I can see very clearly that most of my beliefs and most of my behavior is motivated by the attempt to convince myself of what is essentially an un-truth; that I exist independent of my surroundings; that I’m a permanent entity; that within me there is God; that within me there is an inherent or elemental essence which is unblemished, uncorrupted, and unadulterated by the chaos, the filth, and the evil that grips my world.

But when it all boils down, I can also see very clearly that this is just a shell-game I’ve been playing with myself. It’s a ridiculous and wasteful attempt to convince my mind that I will continue on indefinitely, that I can live in total security, and that I am the most important thing that exists. And I can very clearly see that all of this is nothing but a complete and utter waste of limited resources, of limited energy.

And I can also tell you, in complete honesty, that I didn’t have to read this in a book. No one had to explain it to me. I didn’t need to see it in a movie, buy it from a Guru, or hear it on the nightly news. I negated the obsession with “myself” and got around my “I” for just a moment, during which I saw reality for what it actually is. I saw the unaltered, uninterpreted, and undistorted Truth.

For just a moment, I saw with total clarity the true nature of all things- of myself, of the environment, and of our relationship.

And since that moment of clarity I’ve yet to feel that old need to lean on someone or something else to achieve that peace of mind, that tranquility, and that state of calm which so many of us spend so much energy attempting to attain.

I’ve become a light unto myself.

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